Just another Heartbreak
by Lily White1
Summary: Lily can't remember a time when a guy really cared for her, but James insists he does. Can Lily accept this fact, or will she shut him out forever?
1. The God

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(A/N This story may have been done before, it may have not, but it's a L/J that I wrote more for myself because of recent happenings in my life. I don't know really, how it will end, but I'll see. Th ratings may change as I get farther into the story, but they're pg-13 for now. I'd like to see what you think of this so review it for me, Please! Thanks again, and enjoy~  
  
~Lily  
  
Disclaimer: JK owns the characters that are mentioned in the book. I own the rest and the plot and minds etc.)  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
**Just Another Heartbreak  
  
Chapter 1: The God**  
  
  
  
Lily Evans couldn't believe what she was hearing, they couldn't be talking about Josh Sanchez, and this didn't sound like him at all.  
  
".And now we're going out! He's sooo sweet, although he isn't very cute at all, but I wouldn't trade him for the world. You know what I mean Lil?" Lily nodded, smiling.  
  
"Yeah." What the hell was that? How could she act so nonchalant? What about the endless kisses, the moments where time had stopped for her and Josh? What about the promises? Why had she ever believed him? She had hoped he was different than the other guys she had dated, he had promised her he would be. And all for what? For another broken heart, another open wound? Lily began to feel the tears in her eyes, "I have to get to class. Bye guys." She barely heard her friends say bye before the rushed to her next class. On her way there she resolved to never mention his name again, no matter how much she missed, hated or loved him.  
  
When she reached her classroom, she slid into her seat just as the bell rang. James 'hard to ignore' Potter came into class late as usual and took his seat in the next row, behind Lily. Lily barely glanced up at the minor daily interruption, but something made her turn around to look at James. She couldn't believe she hadn't noticed how incredibly cute he was. The way his hair fell into his milk chocolate brown eyes that melted her heart instantly. Lily couldn't believe she had a class with this god and didn't even notice. Maybe losing Josh wasn't so bad after all.  
  
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~A week later~  
  
  
Aaron practically choked on his food. "You what?"  
  
"I fell for James Potter."  
  
"You fell for James 'I'm gonna sleep with my girlfriend the day I meet her' Potter?"  
  
"I guess. It's not like I had a choice in the matter." Lily shrugged  
  
"Who is Lily's new Mr. Wonderful, and what happened to Josh?" Alisha asked not knowing what was going on. Lily had joined her friends at the table moments before and had told them about James.  
  
"Only the cutest guy in school." Lily said dreamily  
  
"Who sleeps with every girl in school."  
  
"And has the most wonderful eyes. You get lost in them."  
  
"Can you say heartbreak?"  
  
"Speaking of Josh.. He's the biggest jerk I've ever laid eyes on." Lily's usually happy eyes turned to and ice cold green.  
  
"What happened? I thought you said he wasn't like that."  
  
"So did I." Lily sighed, "but JoAnn decided she wanted him, so I lost him. What the hell has she got that I don't?"  
  
"Nothing except the fact she'll sleep with him in about two seconds."  
  
"He's not like that! He doesn't care about sex."  
  
"Is he a guy?"  
  
"No shit Sherlock."  
  
"Then trust me, he cares about sex."  
  
"I still can't figure out who James is."  
  
"I'll see him in the hall after lunch, I'll point him out."  
  
"You'd better"  
  
"I will." Lily replied counting the seconds until the bell rang, when it finally did she had to remind herself that if she left earlier than usual she wouldn't see him. She tried to walk down the corridor calmly, but the excitement that contained her every time she knew he was near almost ruined her. "Him." She whispered pointing to James in the hall.

"Oh my god I can't believe you like him! He isn't even cute."  
  
"Yes he is!"  
  
"Is not!" Alisha called over her shoulder as she turned the corner to her class. Lily had the next period free so she headed to the Gryffindor common room to try to collect her thoughts.  
  
When she reached it she laid her homework on the table to try to do some so she wouldn't have so much to do that night, but as she was getting started a voice startled her from the portrait hole.  
  
"Come here often?" She would know the voice anywhere.  
  
"Is that a line?"  
  
"That depends."  
  
"On what?"  
  
"If lines work on you."  
  
"I'll take that as a yes." _"So he does know you exist."_  
  
"Lily, right?"  
  
"Yep." _"Not only do you exist but you have a name."_  
  
"So Lily, what's up?"  
  
_"Whatever you want to be."_ "Nothing, what's up with you?"  
  
"Nothing here either." He replied jumping into a chair looking relaxed.  
  
"I know something you don't"  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"I know someone who likes you." _"Great Lil' half the school likes him and he knows it."_  
  
"Do I know they like me?'  
  
"Nope."  
  
"Who is it?"  
  
"That's for me to know."  
  
"And me to find out." Lily shook her head so that her red curls bounced everywhere.  
  
"Is it.."  
  
"Nope."  
  
"I haven't even guessed you little-"  
  
"Little what?" James reply was tickling Lily until she practically died for screaming to death.  
  
"Are you gonna tell now?"  
  
"Nope." She grinned  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
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(A/N how do you like it? REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)**

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	2. The Necklace

1 (A/n I don't think this chapter is much like the first one, but maybe it is. tell me k? And thank you sooooo unbelievably much for your support already! I'm going to try to read some of your stories ASAP! But don't get mad if I don't right away.  
  
And I'm trying not to make James a player. Did that sound mean? I'm basically putting a lot of my guy friends together into one guy. So sorry if he seams like it, but I'll try to control it.  
  
By the way. If anyone wants to become my beta reader(s?) e-mail me at smartqt05@hotmail.com  
  
Disclaimer: See chapter 1)  
  
2  
  
3 Just Another Heartbreak  
  
3.1 Chapter 2: The Necklace  
  
  
  
"Lillian Evans I cannot believe you." Mary said exasperated, using Lily's full name, "You might as well of told him."  
  
"He's a guy he won't notice." Lily sighed. For the past two weeks she had been thinking and talking of nothing but James. She thought of James when she woke up, at breakfast, in the corridors, in her classes, at lunch, when she was doing her homework, in bed. She couldn't help herself. Every time she thought of his chocolate brown eyes and luscious smile her heart melted.  
  
"Lillllly, earth to Lillly!" Amanda called waving her hand in front of Lily's face.  
  
"Yeah?" Lily sighed dreamily.  
  
"Were you off in James-land again?"  
  
"Yeah. Isn't he wonderful?"  
  
"No." Amanda and Mary cried together.  
  
"Amanda! Wait up!" Someone called from behind the group.  
  
"What Jo?"  
  
"Give this to your brother, but read it first." JoAnn said handing a note to Amanda, Lily and Mary began to read over her shoulder.  
  
Hey baby~  
  
What's up? Nuthin much here. I can't wait to see you over the hols. Can you wait to see me?  
  
Lily could barely contain her laughter.  
  
We can have fun, know what I mean?  
  
This was too much. Lily scanned the rest of the page not daring to read anything fully for fear she might burst from not laughing, but one thing at the bottom caught her eye.  
  
Love  
  
Jo  
  
Love?! Even she had never told him she loved him! "I gotta go... um.. I have homework to finish!" Lily could barely manage the sentence without giving herself away. Her friends all turned to give her a puzzled look; Lily Evans never had homework ever. "Seriously, I do. Um... bye!" She waved ignoring the disbelief on their faces; all she cared about was getting away so she could laugh.  
  
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"You can't be over him that quick."  
  
"Well I am."  
  
"Nobody just stops liking someone overnight. This is another one of your hate phases isn't it?" Amanda insisted  
  
"The hell it is! Why doesn't anyone believe me? I don't like your stupid brother anymore!" Lily insisted, beginning to lose her temper.  
  
"Fine, you don't like him." Amanda said not fully believing Lily. In fact she didn't believe Lily at all but she didn't want to start a fight.  
  
"What color should I paint my nails?" Mary asked coming into the dormitory where the girls were seated.  
  
"How about Backstabber Red?" Lily suggested.  
  
"Or it's not my fault pink?" Amanda retorted, adding a glare at Lily.  
  
"So you 'accidentally' backstabbed me?"  
  
"I didn't backstab you!"  
  
"Really? Because that's what I call it when my so called friends set the guy I like up with someone else!" Lily yelled and stormed out of the dorm. She practically sprinted down the stairs and into the girl's bathroom, where she cried to herself for the rest of the night.  
  
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~3 weeks later~  
  
It was the week before the Christmas holidays and Lily personally couldn't wait to go home and be rid of JoAnn's constant gushing about seeing Josh. She and Amanda never said a word about the fight, and Mary was still puzzled over what had happened, but let it drop eventually. The only thing that kept her from being as happy as humanly possible was the fact James was staying at Hogwarts and she wasn't. She almost wished her parents would fly to America again so she would have to stay. Nevertheless, the day to head home came and no note arrived telling Lily of some sudden trip her parents had to take. So she packed her bags and boarded the train, but before she did, she managed to take a picture of James so she wouldn't forget his face over break. 

  
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~Christmas~  
  
Lily woke early Christmas morning so she could send all the presents she had bought over the past week to her friends.  
  
Mary and Amanda's owl flew into her window at the exactly time and dropped the packages they were carrying into her lap before helping themselves to Lily's owl, Sugar, water.  
  
Lily waited until the owls were done drinking and tied the two packages to the owls legs. For Amanda she had gotten a magically rotating carousel she had spotted in a local magic shop, and for Mary she had gotten a bottle of nail polished that changed colors periodically.  
  
A few minutes later Jo's owl cam into the window with a present, Lily had reluctantly bought her a magical hairstyling kit, which she tied to the owl's leg and let it out the window. She then gathered up her presents and walked the short distance to her family's living room where the Christmas tree stood, still lit. She then added the few presents to her pile, which was already taller than she was, and headed to the kitchen to make herself a cup of hot cocoa.  
  
"Morning flower."  
  
"Dad! I didn't know you were up!'  
  
"I see you wanted to open your presents early." Her father smiled.  
  
"Actually I was just putting the ones from my friends under the tree."  
  
"You forgot one." Her father laughed nodding towards the owl sitting at the table. Lily didn't recognize it, but it was carrying a small box, which she untied from its leg and read the card.  
  
To the prettiest girl I know~  
  
I know we aren't really close or anything, but I decided to get you a present, I hope you like it.  
  
~James  
  
James! He had remembered her! She fairly danced around the kitchen before remembering the present she had bought in hope he would remember her. "One minute. I'll get his present." She told the owl and ran to her room to uncover the broom cleaning kit she had hidden under her bed. After that was done she grabbed some of her best stationary off her desk and wrote a note back:  
  
James~  
  
If I'm the prettiest girl, you know then you must not know many girls. Here's your present. I hope you don't have it already. I haven't opened my present yet, but I'm sure I'll love it. Thanks.  
  
~Lily  
  
Lily couldn't believe James Potter had given her a present. No matter what it was, she knew she'd love it no matter what it was. She raced back to the kitchen and tied James's present to his owl's leg, before giving into her curiosity and opening the present. Inside she found a lily shaped painted glass pendent. She couldn't stop the tears of happiness that came to her eyes.  
  
"Somebody really likes you."  
  
"Daddy-"  
  
"I'm just saying I never sent necklaces that pretty to girls I was just friends with."  
  
"James is just a friend. He just does stuff like this. It doesn't mean anything." _"So, that's why you can't stop floating huh? He's just a friend, since when can't you keep your eyes off your friends?"_  
_  
"Shut up."_ Lily told the voice in the back of her head, and started to make her hot cocoa. By this time, Lily and Brian Evans were joined by Petunia and their mother.  
  
"Morning Dad, Morning Freak."  
  
"Morning Petty." Lily answered; she had grown accustomed to the fact her once best friend now hated her, "Morning mum."  
  
"Morning dear. Petunia you really should try to be nicer to your sister." Petunias retort turned into a scream as two more owls flew in the open window and landed on the table. Lily ignored her sister and untied the last two packages from their legs, she had almost forgotten about Alisha and Aaron's presents, she headed to her room once more and brought out the last two presents she had bought, for Alisha a book on all the scariest places in the magical world and for Aaron a new camera. His had gotten broken on the train ride home.  
  
"Hey freak, where'd you get the necklace?" Petunia asked picking James's necklace up from the table. Lily could take the insults about herself from her sister, but she couldn't stand having her touch the very thing she loved more than anything, well almost anything.  
  
"Give me that." She snatched it from her sister and put it back in its box.  
  
"I think the freak has got a boyfriend." Petunia taunted.  
  
"He's not my boyfriend! He's just a friend."   
  
"Riiiiiight."  
  
"Let's open presents." Their father cut in, stopping the argument for the moment, but Lily knew petunia would rub it in later anyway. The family headed into the living room and sat down to begin opening. Lily's father as usual, handed the presents out as slow as humanly possible, which only made Lily and Petunia more eager, and for a few hours the rift between the sisters disappeared and it was as if Lily had never gone to Hogwarts and become a witch. Lily sighed and wished it was this way always, but she knew Petunia would go back to the biting remarks and Lily would return to acting as if it didn't matter, but for now all that mattered was that they were sisters.  
  
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**(How do you like it??? Do you want me to keep writing this long, shorter, or longer???? Review and tell me!)**


	3. A Return to Hogwarts

1 (A/n I hope you guys like this one as much as you do the others, review me so I know!  
  
Thanks to my beta Starkitty, I can probably use another so if u want to do it e-mail me at smartqt05@hotmail.com k?  
  
I'm trying to read all of your stories, but I do have a life besides writing, so if I don't right away don't get ticked off, I will get to it eventually, so be patient!  
  
If you guys would like to see something else in my stories e-mail me about it, or tell me in your review, I really appreciate your feedback.  
  
ENJOY!!!!  
  
~Lily  
  
Disclaimer: See previous chapters once again...)  
  
  
  
Just Another Heartbreak  
Chapter 3: A Return to Hogwarts  
  
  
  
Lily stood watching her reflection in the window above the sink. She reached into the murky water to find another pot and began cleaning it, the task wasn't the most pleasant thing in the world, but it gave her time to think. She knew she didn't want Josh back, or did she? He was all she could think about today, James hadn't crossed her mind at all, and the normally bubbly Lily Evans was sullen and thoughtful.  
  
_"How could this happen? He had promised he wasn't like the other guys she had dated, that he wouldn't break her heart. Nevertheless, he had. What was it about her? Was she too easy? Did she love too quickly? What was it?"_ Lily wanted to throw the plates across the room and watch them shatter into a million different places just like her heart was. _"God dammit!"_ She held back the tears and continued washing the dishes_. "Was she really that hard to love?_ _Would anyone ever have the patience to love her?"_ The ringing phone interrupted her thoughts.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Lily!"  
  
"Hey mum, what's up?"  
  
"How would you like to go to Singapore?"  
  
"When?" She asked, although she doubted she'd be able to go.  
  
"Until the middle of January?"  
  
"I can't. school remember?" Lily reminded her mother.  
  
"Oh. I'm so sorry honey."  
  
"Its fine," Lily was used to missing out on family vacations because of her school schedule, "You go without me."  
  
"Is it really ok, hun?"  
  
"Yeah mum don't worry. I'm sure Dumbledore won't mind if I come back early."  
  
"Great! I promise this summer we'll go somewhere just for you, bye Lils!"  
  
"Bye." Lily sighed and began writing a note requesting to come back early from the holidays, Dumbledore would understand, he always did.  
  
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Lily gathered up some Floo powder in her palm and bade one last goodbye to her family.  
  
"Be good Lils!"  
  
"I'm sorry again."  
  
"I'm not."  
  
"Petunia! You give your sister a proper goodbye! You may not see her for another six months!"  
  
"Bye." Petunia muttered, but under her breath she muttered, "Never come back." If their mother heard, she took no notice.  
  
"Bye! I'll see you soon!" Lily hugged everyone again and threw the Floo into the fire, and stepping into the fire yelled "Dumbledore's Office" and as gone.  
  
"For moments after she was gone Petunia stared at where her sister had been standing and with one final shudder, left.  
  
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Lily was welcomed into the Gryffindor common room by the silence alone. She sighed and brought her trunk upstairs into her room and began unpacking her clothes.  
  
"You're back early" a voice startled her from the doorway.  
  
"James! You scared the hell out of me!" Lily exclaimed, laughing  
  
"I get that a lot."  
  
"I can see that. What are you doing in a girls dormitory?" She bantered, not glancing up from her trunk and the clothes inside as James made himself comfortable on the bed nearest him.  
  
"Oh you know, the usual."  
  
"And that would be?"  
  
"Making myself comfortable."  
  
"Who said you may?"  
  
"I did."  
  
"That explains it." Lily grinned levitating a pillow at his head.  
  
"Hey! That's not nice!" James retorted with all the pillows in the room retaliating against Lily. The air was soon filled with flying pillows with Lily and James collapsed on top of each other, breathless.  
  
"You know James, you aren't the lightest person on earth."  
  
"I thank you for that compliment."  
  
"Most people would take that as their cue to remove themselves from sitting on top of me."  
  
"I'm not most people."  
  
"So I've noticed, now please get the hell off me or die." Lily smiled sweetly.  
  
"Yes ma'am." James teased back, and obligingly rolled onto the other part of the bed.  
  
"Guess what?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"I still know someone who likes you."  
  
"Besides the entire population of this school?"  
  
"Don't flatter yourself. It's not becoming" _"Actually you're not far off the mark."_  
  
"Do I know this person?"  
  
"Yep"  
  
"Is she here over the holidays?"  
  
"Maybe." _"Is it just me or is he getting closer to me every second?"  
  
"I think so too, but then again, I'm you. Did you brush your teeth this morning?"  
  
"Thanks for the encouragement. Did I?"  
  
"If I knew do you really think I'd ask?"  
  
"You never know. Why am I talking to myself?"  
  
"I dunno. You're the one doing it."  
  
"You're me, therefore you're doing it too."  
_  
Lily's thoughts were interrupted by James's lips closing over hers.  
  
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Muhahahaha CLIFFHANGER! Review and I'll post the next chapter soon!


	4. Sometimes the only one you want to belie...

(Just to warn you that if you think Lily should be completely happy go lucky and have no problems, don't read this chapter. Okay? I really like this chapter and I hope you guys do too, so review and tell me. Thank you to everyone who _has_ reviewed and please keep it up!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything mentioned in the Harry Potter books, J. K. Rowling does.)

Just Another Heartbreak

Chapter 4: Sometimes the only one you want to believe is yourself

It took a moment to figure out what was happening. Was James Potter really kissing her? As their lips parted both blushed. James was the first to find his voice.

"Wanna go get something to eat?"

"No, I have to finish unpacking. You go ahead." Lily grasped for anything to get away from him.

"Ok. See you later." James replied, looking a bit hurt. Lily followed him to the door and locked it behind him, before sinking onto the floor sobbing.

__

Why did he have to kiss her? Wasn't she having enough of a time getting over josh? The last thing she needed was another jerk to hurt her like the others had. Why didn't he have to go and screw up everything? Why couldn't they just be friends? Why was god so unbelievably cruel?

Lily didn't come out of her room again that night.

~*~*~*~

James was surrounded by crumpled up pieces of paper. _Why had he kissed her? Hadn't her fiends told him how many times she'd been hurt and that he shouldn't try anything? Why the hell was he such and idiot?_ He sighed and tried to write another note.

Lily~

I'm sorry. That's all I can say. I'm sorry for pushing the limits, I'm sorry for being me, and I'm sorry for kissing you. In truth, I'm not sorry for kissing you, but I am sorry for kissing you when I did. Can you forgive me? You may not know it, but your friendship means the world to me.

Your (hopefully) Friend,

James

~*~*~*~

Lily sighed, lay back on her bed, and looked at the note again. She knew he really was sorry, but she didn't know if she could trust him. Too many guys had told her the same thing. She caught her reflection in the mirror and laughed cruelly.

"You little whore! No body would like you if their life depended on it, let alone someone loving you? Are you insane? It could never happen." It was like some other person had replaced Lily. "You're fat, and ugly, and unlovable. You're gonna grow old and live alone wishing that you weren't as ugly as you are so someone could love you, but you'll never get your wish. NEVER" Lily was sobbing again, and she ripped up James's note, throwing it across the room. She was right. No one could ever love her. She was meant to be all alone her whole life. She'd never have the love she was so completely jealous of. She'd never wake up with the smell of her husband beside her, never have children jumping on her when she was sick, never have someone to cry to when she was sad. Never would she be happy.

"Lily? You ok?" James's voice came from the other side of the door, but Lily barely lifted her head to mutter and unlocking charm.

"You can come in." She sighed and laughed again at her reflection.

"Lils, what's wrong?" James slid down onto the bed next to Lily.

'I'm fat, and I'm ugly, and I can't ever be loved." Lily sobbed, not caring if she sounded like she was two years old, it was truly, what she believed.

"You are not." James protested despite Lily shaking her head at him.

"You're just saying that so you can hurt me like all the others." Lily wasn't sure if she was talking about her other boyfriends hurting her, or James hurting the girls _he_ dated, but to tell he truth, she didn't care.

"Look at me." James lifted her chin to their eyes met; "I will never hurt you. Every other jerk in this world may have, but I will never do that to you. EVER. You understand?" James sounded so sure of himself that Lily almost did believe him, but replied.

"I don't know. I want to believe you, but I can't."

"Someday I'll prove to you I'm not lying."

"Yeah right." The cruel sarcasm had crept back into her voice.

"I will. You don't deserve what you've had. You're the best girl I know and you deserve everything in the world, but pain."

"I'm not. You're just saying that so you can be like all the others."

"For god's sake! At least give me a chance Lil! You aren't even giving me a chance to love you! Open your eyes."

"Why should you be any different to me than you were to Sarah? Or Stacy, or Mary, or any other girl whose heart you broke?" Lily hit below the belt, and she knew it, but didn't regret it for a moment.

"That was low. You know why. I'm not answering you when you're like this."

"Truth hurts doesn't it?" Her voice grew crueler every moment.

"Lily-"

"How does it feel to have the tables turned James Potter? Why don't you tell us all, we're dying to know."

"That's it!" James finally lost his cool, "You're right you can't be loved, you're fat, you're ugly! You're going to end up alone! And you know whose fault its going to be? Not mine, not any other person's, but yours! See if you're happy knowing that, Evans!" And with that James slammed the door and headed back to his dormitory while Lily cried herself to sleep.

~*~*~*~

That's where Mary found her the next morning. "Lily you're never gonna be- Lily?"

"Humph" Lily wouldn't move, even for one of her best friends.

"What's wrong?" Mary asked sitting down next to Lily and casting a hopeful glance at her.

"Everything."

"Com'n it can't be that bad."

"It is."

"What happened?"

"James kissed me, and I yelled at him for it, and Josh loves Jo, and she's just using him _and_ Amanda, and I can't be loved by anyone, ever and-" Lily began sobbing again, Mary couldn't believe her eyes, Lily never cried in front of anyone, not even her closest friends.

"That's so completely untrue. Josh broke up with Jo, and do you know why? Because he realized he loves you, and he's completely sad at the idea of how you must feel, and if James kissed you that must mean-"

"That he wants to hurt me like all the others."

"Lily."

"The truth hurts sometimes, and its better if I face it now, not live in some fantasy world where I believe everyone is good. That isn't me, you may think it is, but it isn't."

"For god's sake listen to yourself!"

"I am, and everything I'm saying is true."

"Open your eyes and you'll see it isn't."

"It _is_."

"Not."

"Is"

"I'm not going to argue with you when you're like this."

"How comforting, that's just what James said before he stormed out." The cruelty was coming out in her voice again.

"I don't blame him." Mary stood up and left too, the second in a day.

~*~*~*~

James sat in the common room bewildered. He had no idea what he had done wrong, she had been sending all the signals, and he has just acted on his instincts, was that so wrong? He sighed. Maybe it was, he could obviously see Lily was hurt, and the last thing she needed was a guy who had the biggest reputation in the school of breaking girls hearts, yet-

"JJJJJJJJJAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" A squeal came from the portrait hole, and James groaned, but faked a smile as a girl jumped into his lap.

"Hey baby, how are you?"

"Perfect now that my James is safe from harm, and here with me."

"How perfect" James replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm, but the girl didn't seem to notice.

"Isn't it though?" James smiled and kissed her, trying to push Lily from even the farthest parts of his mind, yet the harder he tried the more he couldn't help thinking about the way the light shimmered off her hair, the way her eyes sparkled, and how beautiful she was, even when she was yelling at him. He couldn't love her, could he?

~*~*~*~

(A/n okay I is done, a bit longer than usual, but I couldn't find a good place to stop and even this one doesn't seem like the best, but it'll have to do seeing as I need time to think of how I'm going to do what I want to in the next part. Thank you all for your reviews and keep it up please!!!

~Lily)


	5. Part 1:Reminiscing and trying to Forget ...

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(A/N this chapter is quite a bit longer than my others are and a bit more mature too. But that's how it goes. Any way I want to thank everyone for reviewing. If you want me to read your stories and review them too login, or put your penname so I can see them, okay? Thank you soooooo much for your support with my stories (as terrible as they are) and keep it up!

Luv~

~Lily

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters mentioned in the books. This includes: Lily, James, Remus, Sirius, Peter, Arabella, Snape, Malfoy, Dumbledore, McGonagall, Filch, and any others I might have forgotten to mention. But I do own all other characters and the plot up to this point.)

Just Another Heartbreak

Chapter 5

Part One: Reminiscing and trying to Forget

The words ran through Lily's head like fire through ice. _"And you know whose fault its going to be? Not mine, not any other person's, but yours! See if you're happy knowing that Evans!"_

"He's right you know."

"I know."

"You don't let anyone touch you… you have to let go of the past."

"I've tried, but its too much of who I am."

"So change."

Lily continued arguing with herself as she lay in her bed. Everything had seemed fine until she had come to Hogwarts. Coming to Hogwarts made her face the fears of her past. The pain, the cruelty, but most of all the sacredness. When Lily had first received her letter, she thought that by leaving, she would be able to forget the past, but somehow it had lingered with her and dug a hole so deep she couldn't escape. She remembered the first guy…. _Garet, he was so sweet. Every girl loved him, yet as much like James as he was, he was different. Garet had told her all that summer how beautiful, she was, and how much he liked her, and yet when the day came when she finally realized she'd loved him, he'd laughed in her face. Alisha had told her a thousand times to get over it, but she had no idea of how it hurt to be laughed at when you've opened your heart and soul to someone. Then there had been Randy, Ryan… they had only wanted her for sex, and she had fallen for them both…._ She shuttered to think of how she had almost given in to their pleading, but somehow she had withstood it, and it hurt like hell… _Then there was Nick, everything a girl could want, and he chose her. Nevertheless, Lily wondered why he had, hadn't he wanted something from her? The longer they talked the more she started to feel for him, but past experiences told her not to love him, and she didn't… he knew of Garet, and Randy, and Ryan, and he tried to heal the wounds, but just as Lily was doing now, she shut him out, and they had lost contact. Then she'd received her letter. The letter that had changed her life along with so many others'. _Lily sighed, then there was Josh, and that was the last time she could open her heart to anyone.

"Lily?" Alisha's voice came through the door.

"Yeah?"

"Can I say something?"

"Not through the door." Even in the most discouraging of situations, Lily didn't lose her wit.

Alisha stepped in carefully, as if she didn't want to disturb anything for fear Lily might lash out at her next, "James told me what happened."

"And?"

"Why won't you let him in? You've put up this shell and you're pushing everyone away."

"You have no idea how much it hurts to have someone laugh." Lily could feel the tears coming to her eyes once more.

"Lily, you have to let someone in. It's the only way you'll ever find someone who won't hurt you."

"It's too big of a risk."

"We all have to take risks."

"This would be one too many for me. You saw what happened with Josh."

"Forget the bloody past Lil! James Potter is in love with no other girl than you! Are you telling me that you won't have him?" Alisha raised her eyebrows at her last remark and headed out of the room, leaving Lily to fall back onto her bed.

~*~*~*~

Lily walked quickly through the corridor, cursing under her breath. If one more person ask if-

"Are you going out with James Potter?"

"NO!" Lily stormed off ever since holidays were over the rumor of her and James' kiss had spread like a wildfire and no one would quit asking Lily that horrid question! Of course, she wasn't going out with James! She'd made sure of that when she'd shut him out of her life, to him she was just the girl who couldn't love anyone. She could feel tears coming to her eyes again, but she wouldn't let the school see her cry. Lily Evans didn't cry in public.

"Lily, there you are. I've been looking for you everywhere."

__

"And I was doing such a good job of avoiding him."

"And he still found you."

"Pure luck.'

"Maybe he loves you."

"Highly doubt it."

"Yeah James?"

"I wanted to apologize-"

"Why? I was the one acting like a spoiled brat."

"But I didn't have to say what I did. I know what its like."

__

"You really shouldn't have said that" Both had the same thought_._

"So you do, do you? You know what it's like to open your heart to someone who you would have trusted with anything, and have them laugh in your face? Not behind your back, but to your face? Trust me James you have no idea of the pain I have." Lily then tried to walk off, but she found James had placed himself in the way of her retreat.

"What if I said I did?"

"You're a liar then."

"Lily, please. Listen to yourself." He gently lifted her chin and for a moment, she thought he might kiss her, but he continued softer, "This isn't the Lily half the male population is infatuated with."

"Half?" Lily teetered between denial and believing her luck.

"_At least_." "Me included." The space between them was once more closing. Lily put her hands on his chest to try to stop him and she felt his strong muscles, rippled beneath his clothes, she caught her breath and turned her eyes to meet his, this time she wouldn't back out. And she didn't. His lips again closed over hers and she felt all knowledge slipping from her grasp. This kiss was more passionate than the first, more demanding too. She felt his hands on her waist bringing them closer together, but even then there was too much space.

"God I want you." He whispered.

"James our titles."

"Who the hell cares. Let them find new perfects."

"James. We'll get expelled"

All this was gasped between passionate kisses that took their breath away, even James had no idea what he was doing. Finally, Lily managed to push herself away from the arms that had held her so protectively.

"James, we can't. I can't. Not-" Lily glanced into his eyes and saw the fear that she was sure had resided in hers too, neither wanted to know what it was that propelled them to do what they did. And Lily definitely didn't want to stick around to feel more of it. "I've gotta um… go. Bye." She left him with one last peck on the cheek and practically ran to her dormitory. James on the other hand knew where he needed to be… in bed… preferably with Ashley.

~*~*~*~

Lily tried writing down everything that had happened, but every time she tried, she thought of that kiss and of how much she had wanted to be in his arms forever. She shivered to think that a guy could do this to her again, if she couldn't resist James then how could she ever be sure she wouldn't get hurt again? Lily really needed to talk to someone, but none of her friends understood. Mary didn't have any experience with guys, and Alisha thought she knew everything about guys, and Amanda, well she was Amanda, and ever since JoAnn had invaded their lives nothing was safe with Amanda, Aaron would laugh, Adrianne was too young, Sarah, well maybe she could talk to Sarah, but she didn't want to give her any more problems than she already had.

__

"Why don't you talk to James?"

"James? You've gotta be kidding."

"Too bad I'm not."

"What would I say?"

"Exactly."

"Exactly what?"

"You have nothing to say, therefore you have nothing to be confused about really."

"Then why am I?"

"I don't know. Maybe you should take a day to step back and just look at yourself."

"Why would that help?"

"Maybe you would see something that you never knew about."

"Besides the fact I talk to myself?"

"Besides that."

"Fine, I'll try it. I guess it can't hurt to try. In truth I can't get more confused than I already am."

"Right."

Lily sighed, glanced at her watch and gathered her books for her next class. Maybe her conscience was right. Maybe she was just confused because she thought she was supposed to be, when in truth she knew exactly why she felt everything she felt. Maybe she wasn't scared of being hurt again, but her mind told her she should be, therefore she was. Lily sighed and opened the door out of her dormitory, tomorrow would reveal everything.

~*~*~*~

And it did. Every time Lily caught herself slipping into the rut she had been in for so long she stepped back to look at herself from the point of view of someone else. Nit only did she notice she was behaving like a bloody idiot, but that she actually was quite pretty. Nevertheless, even this couldn't convince her that she was holding onto pain that had disappeared ages ago, but she did, however, vow to try and forget it, something she didn't easily do. But when Lily Evans put her mind to something, she didn't give up until it was done.

~*~*~*~

Part Two: Surprisingly Unhappy

"Will you go out with my brother?"

Lily was surprised at the tall blonde standing before her, she didn't recognize her, but she instinctively knew whom she was talking about.

"I'm Michelle. My brother is-"

"Robert." Lily finished, "Tell him to ask me himself." 

"Alright." With those few words, Lily had begun to face her newest dilemma. She had never really thought about Robert as more than a distant friend, but now he was asking her out. He was cute in his own way, now that she thought about it. He _was_ a year behind her though, and she knew her friends wouldn't be too happy about her dating down, but they'd live. Then came the question of whether or not she'd say yes. Of course, she would. If anything, he'd give her a few days to not worry about the dating scene. She giggled to herself and headed to her next class.

~*~*~*~

"And finally Miss Figg, and Miss Evans." Lily glanced across the dungeon to where the raven-haired girl stood. Lily had admired Arabella since the day she had arrived at Hogwarts, not only was she pretty, but she had ever member of James group worshiping her, everyone that is, except James himself.

"I'm Arabella." The girl came over and introduced herself.

"Lily." The red headed girl replied, something about Arabella made you like her instantly.

"So what are we supposed to do?" The dark haired girl asked, "I didn't catch what potion we were supposed to be making, I had to hex James, and Sirius' cauldron."

"The obeying potion. What did you do to it?" Lily loved the pranks constantly being thrown from Arabella and the Marauders.

"You'll see. Now lets make this potion." Arabella grabbed and onion and started slicing it. Somehow, Lily didn't believe the girl hadn't been listening to the Professor.

"After we add the onions, the potion should be a light purple." Lily read out of their potions book.

"What if its green?" Arabella asked apprehensively.

"He haven't added enough then." Lily read from the book. She was glad her parents had insisted on buying her the copy of her potions book that had remedies for all errors possible.

"What if our potion is a slight orange tint?" James and Sirius asked coming up behind Lily.

"Then- get your own book!" Lily turned around to meet a pair of gorgeous almost black eyes.

"I don't believe we've been introduced." Sirius seemed as stunned as Lily.

"Cut the crap Siri." Arabella cut in, "Lily, this is Sirius, Sirius, this is Lily."

"My pleasure." Sirius grinned. This time it was James who elbowed him in the stomach.

"Shall we be going Padfoot?" James asked raising his eyebrows, but he didn't wait for a reply before dragging Sirius off.

"What was that for?"

"That's Lily." James replied putting emphasis on the word Lily.

"Lily? But- ooooooohhhhhh Lily!" Sirius finally got the picture.

"Finally."

"Finally I get to meet Lily." Sirius grinned broader.

"Shut up. I don't need the whole school knowing."

"Too bad they already do." Lily smiled to herself at the conversation that had just passed between the two boys.

"Lily, you know James doesn't say a word about any other girl but you?" Arabella interrupted her trance.

"Somehow I doubt that. What's the next step?" And with that Lily turned back to their potion and pushed James from the furthest part of her mind.

~*~*~*~

"Lily will you um… will you go out with me?" Lily tried as hard as she could to contain the giggles she had been fighting since Robert had approached her.

"I'd love to." Lily flashed her smile.

"Really?"

"'Course, sorry this was so short but I gotta run to Charms okay?"

"Yeah" Robert was obviously still in shock.

"Bye."

"Bye."

Lily practically sprinted until she was out of earshot, and began laughing hysterically.

"I don't see what's that funny." Sirius said from behind her.

"Neither do I, but I can't stop."

"Did someone but a laughing charm on you?"

"I doubt it, but its possible." Lily's laughter was slowly calming down.

"Are you done?"

"I would think so since I'm not laughing anymore."

"Then would you care to go to Hogsmede with me this weekend?"

Lily bit her lip. She was now Roberts girlfriend, but Sirius Black had just asked her to Hogsmede. "I can't. I have a boyfriend."

"Oh." Sirius replied, a bit deflated.

"But if I didn't I'd love to."

"Is that a yes to your next free weekend?" Sirius never gave up easily on a girl, and he wasn't about to start.

"I suppose so." Lily grinned, "But don't we have to wait for a Hogsmede weekend?"

"Not necessarily. I have my ways of getting there."

"Ah, well, as long as I don't get caught." Lily couldn't resist breaking the rules. It wasn't often that she had the chance, and even less often that she accepted.

"See you then."

"Alright." Lily sighed. Shouldn't she be happy? She had what she wanted. Yet something didn't seem right, and that scared her.

~*~*~*~

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(Finally! Lol. I couldn't stop myself today so here's parts one and two in one chapter. Hope you enjoy it. 

~Luv

Lily )


	6. Inside James

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(A/n thank y'all for reviewing and please keep it up!

Roxy: I haven't explained the James thing very well and this chapter does just that… sorta

James _does_ like Lily, but he doesn't have the patience to wait for her right now. Moreover, James _has _noticed Lily before this (as you will see in later chapters) but I haven't found a place to work this in yet.

Lily isn't over Josh yet…. And he still has a major role to play later (we might even meet him?!) so I can't have her completely over him, but then again she's trying to convince herself she is. Confusing I know. But it _will_ get less as I get further into the story. Okay?

And lastly the backstabbing thing: Lily accuses Amanda of backstabbing her because at this point Lily thinks Amanda set Jo and Josh up behind her back because Amanda didn't want Lily and Josh together, but as with all the other questions; more on that later.

Lethal: Thanks! I wouldn't consider my stories great… but then again; I'm not the reader…. Hope I can keep it up! And the Sirius thing? Well that's my surprise for later…

ThistleMeg: lol, I frequently argue with the characters so I don't mind! Talk to them all you want!

Now on to the story

Once again thanks for the reviews I love everyone for it… anyways… I know everyone hates when a writer does this, but I feel I have to. So before I'll post the next chapter I'd like 50 reviews. Okay?

Summary: this chapter is a glimpse into James' life…. Something much needed seeing as even _I_ am kinda confused about James and what's going on inside that little *James begins beating me repeatedly for saying he has a little brain* brain of his. So here he is… completely… well not completely uncensored and letting us c the real him!

Disclaimer: I don't own squat… enough said.)

Just Another Heartbreak

Chapter 6: Inside James

James Potter was easily the most popular boy in Hogwarts, easily. With his unruly black hair, chocolate brown eyes, and a smile that could melt any girl's heart, he had quickly established his place as the president of the Marauders, the pranking group of the school. The Marauders consisted of James' best friends, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, and Arabella Figg. Sirius was the handsomest boy in the school, and second in popularity to only James. Remus rivaled Sirius and James in looks, but he was by far the most caring of the group. Peter was the odd one. Although he _was_ fairly cute, and nice, he wasn't as easy going as the rest of the group. No one really knew why he was James, Remus, Sirius, and Arabella's friend, but they had their reasons and would have trusted him with anything. Arabella was the only girl in the group, but to the guys she was one of them. There wasn't a thing they could do that she couldn't, besides the obvious.

James couldn't remember a time when girls hadn't been falling at his feet, and although he pretended to love it, he wished that for just _one_ day he could have some time to himself. The constant prattling of the girls of Hogwarts was slowly, but surely driving him insane, something he couldn't risk with his father as minister. Nevertheless, James had learned early in life to accept everything in his life and be grateful for what he had, but he sometimes still wished he wasn't James Harold Potter III. Few people knew this about him, but the ones that did, tried to help him the best they could.

~*~*~*~

James walked into his transfiguration class, late, as usual, and took a seat close to his secret crush, Lily Evans. He doubted she had noticed him, she wasn't one to become completely wrapped up in boys and forget her schoolwork or friends. And lately she'd had a lot of both. However, today he noticed her glancing up at the disturbance and giving herself a half grin. Maybe she _had_ noticed him after all. But his Attention didn't stay long o Lily, a note came flying onto his desk, and he began to read what tonight's escapade would be:

James-

It's a full moon, remember? WE can't do anything to Snape, or anyone! By the way, when is the potion going to be done?

Siri-

How many times do I hafta tell you? In the first week of February!

Oh

That's it?

I guess. Bella's looking pretty cute today.

Here we go again.

Well she is!

So? Remember marauder rule number 33?

Uh… no?

NO DATING ARABELLA!

Oh, I motion to abolish rule number 33.

You're the only one.

So? I over rule everyone.

Not

Too

Not

Too Too Too

I'm not having this argument with you. It's a waste of ink

So? (Too!)

There is something seriously wrong with you.

My condolences

Thank you

Welcome

That was sarcasm

So?

Is that all you say?

So?

Ha ha very funny… NOT!

I thought it was.

So?

Hey!

So?

Sirius didn't fell like fighting back, but he made a mental note to annoy James more than usual.

James glanced up at McGonagall, who was telling the class how hard it was to become Animagi, James tuned out. He knew how hard it was to become Animagi, after all he, peter, and Sirius had been trying for the past three years, and finally they had gotten the potion right, now all they had to do was wait a couple months and he could become an animal! He grinned at the thought of it.

"Mr. Potter would you mind telling me what is so happy about the thought of the potion not working properly?" Professor McGonagall interrupted his thoughts.

"I was just thinking-"

"Don't hurt yourself, James." Peter cut in, grinning good naturally. 

"Don't worry, Pete, anyways as I was saying. I was thinking that even with the possibility of the spell going wrong, aren't the rewards worth the risk?" James prided himself on being able to come up with an answer, or in this case, a question as soon as he needed.

"To some it may be. But others it might not be." McGonagall had barely finished before the bell rang, sending a mad rush of students into the corridors. James was one of the last ones out of the classroom, and this was how he liked it. The longer he stayed in class, the less time he had to see the girls swarming him, begging him for a chance to get into his bed. Of course James, as any 16-year-old guy would, liked the idea of girls begging to sleep with him, but in a way, it upset him. These girls didn't stand a chance of anything but one of his weekly girlfriends, yet they swooned every time he walked by. He had no idea of how many girls had lost their virginity to him, never to be seen again, and yet more seemed to swarm him every day. However, the idea phased him for only a moment, until he saw Sirius waiting for him in the doorway.

"So Jamesie, "James winced at the nickname, "Who is the wonderful girl who occupied your thoughts all through class? And don't say no one, because even _I_ could see through that look."

"Who says a girl was anywhere near my thoughts?"

"The grin on your face."

"Maybe I just thought of a way to beat the Slytherins, even _if_ they do have our plays."

"Liar."

"And you aren't?"

"Did I ever say that?"

"You implied it."

"That wasn't an answer to my question."

"I'm your best friend why?"

"Because you wanted to be know as the best friend of the handsomest boy in Hogwarts."

"I think I just felt sorry for you."

"Nah, I like my idea better."

"I'm sure you do."

(James' note: at this point James would like to explain that he and Sirius have never once (up until this point) had a normal conversation about _anything_. And he believes that Sirius isn't capable of carrying on a conversation in such a manner.)

~*~*~*~

"I know someone who likes you" Even before she had finished her sentence, James knew what she was trying, in her own subtle way, to tell him. Lily Evans had a crush on James Potter. He couldn't help but play along though.

"Do I know they like me?" Lily grinned at James, god he loved her smile, it was everything he could do to keep himself from grabbing that perfect little waist and-

"Nope." Lily snapped him out of his thoughts.  
  
"Who is it?"  
  
"That's for me to know."  
  
"And me to find out." Lily shook her head so that her red curls bounced everywhere, that feeling was taking over his body again, and this time he wasn't sure he could resist. James was used to getting every girl and everything from them that he had wanted, and now to find a girl that liked him, but wouldn't fall at his feet was a bit unnerving.

He began to ask if it was one of the few girls whose names he could place with a face, but he was cut off before he cold finished with Lily's casual "Nope" and another smile. This time he couldn't resist, he grabbed her and began tickling her. At least this way he could be close to her without her noticing… too much.

~*~*~*~

A few weeks later James found himself looking at white lily necklace. Everything reminded him of Lily. The name obviously, but not only that. The glass, because it was strong until a point, but when it passed that point it was fragile, and could break at the slightest shift in pressure. The past weeks Lily's friends had been coming up to him at various times and explaining bits and pieces of her life to him. Slowly he had begun to piece together a picture of what her life had been like up until this point. Lily had never really had a place where she could go to be sure of being loved, and her father's temper had never been kind to her. Brian Evans was a great person, and a great father, but he was also an undercover agent for the Scotland Yard which put a lot of pressure on him, which in turn put pressure on Lily. Petunia had never had the outrageous Evans temper, but Lily and her father certainly did and when both were upset, it was best to stay out of the way. But the past couple years both had seemed to cool. Lily learned to control her temper, and she avoided her father when he was in a foul mood. Both had improved life at the Evans' home, but even small improvements couldn't help the fact that Lily was still scared of her father, and felt that she had only ruined his life. You see, when Lily was born, neither of her parents were married, or intended to ever be so. Especially not her father. But that changed when Brian and Marcie had realized they had a child on the way. A wedding was quickly arranged after Lily's birth and the three became a family. James could only imagine what this had done to the already sensitive Lily. Nevertheless, Lily had done what she did to everything that might stand in her way: change to fit, and act like nothing had happened. She worked that way. If someone disliked her, she would do everything she could to make them like her, if someone hurt her, she would forgive them without another thought, all without care of what it did to her. James admired Lily for this, but he, like many of her friends and maybe even Lily herself, had realized what her parents had ignored. Lily was at the breaking point.

"Sir, are you going to purchase that?" A Saleslady interrupted his thoughts.

'Uh, yes I am. Can you gift wrap it?"

"Of course." James smiled. The woman treated him with respect although he wasn't exactly the type of person she would prefer to be selling the necklace to. James had entered the store in his sweats, only because he hadn't felt like looking good for no one. 

"May I see some identification?"

"Yes." James withdrew his wallet and looked reluctantly at the name. As soon as the sales lady saw it, he would be asked a trillion questions about whether or not he was completely satisfied. All because of a name. A cursed name that had haunted him all through life, and always would. He hated it really. Potter, so blah, so common, so indifferent… 

"Mr-Mr. Potter! I didn't recognize you is there anything-"

"No, just the necklace." James replied firmly.

"Right away, sir!" And within moments, James was holding onto a small square package containing the necklace. Now if only Lily would like it.

~*~*~*~

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(Alright, I know we aren't up to the same part we are in Chapter 5, but this is going to have to do. Do you guys like the idea of doing James POV ever six chapters of so, or would you rather me work it into the stories? There isn't really one way its easier for me, so you can decided. I know that I still have left a lot of things undone, and a lot of answers unanswered, but I am going to try to answer them in one of the upcoming chapters. So keep asking questions, and I promise I will eventually answer them, sound good? Thanks again to every one and remember 50 reviews! (that's only 21 more…) so R/R!!!!

~Lily


	7. A Letter From Someone

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(Wow you guys! The first day I had the last chapter up it got almost more reviews than it already had! Keep it up, please?! Thank you guys soooooo much for your encouragement! I fit weren't 4 you I don't know what I would do!

J 

So, here's the next deal…. 80 reviews… that's a bit more than last time, but I need the extra time! J J J J J J J J J 

Cara: Sorry for losing you… James has had a huge secret crush of Lily for… umm I'm not quite sure how long….. He won't tell me….

Lily likes James.. but she is still in love with Josh….. (I know I know people! she's supposed to be in love with James, but this Is _my _story!)

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Yep Sirius asks Lily out…. Hehe

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Hope I helped (doubt it though)

Lethal: do you mean Josh, _not _James????

Potterschik: thank you soooooooooo much for putting this in your favs! I feel loved!

Skye: Thanks!

Imlosnoches: I'm not really very good... At least don't think… but then again ur the reader!

Lily Evans: Thanks for the offer! I'd love another beta!

Lilz: Like I've said to everyone a thousand times… THANK YOU! I'm glad that you like it!

Oliverschick: Gracias! Thanks for your suggestion…. I think I like it better that way too!

Roxy: really? That one was harder to write too… probably because I'm not a 16 year old guy though…

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Sabre Gurl~ Thanks! Glad you like it!

Lemon spritzer: Already? Ugh…. And I haven't even started this chapter…. This is gonna be a loooooooong night, or a short chapter… 

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Just Another Heartbreak

Chapter 7: A Letter From Someone

Lily walked along the corridor, thinking of what had just happened…. Robert had broken up with her? It was almost too weird to believe. She wasn't _really_ upset, but she wasn't exactly giddy over the idea either. Lily had hated the past week, all because she felt like she was tied down, but for some reason she still didn't feel completely free, but she couldn't figure out why. Something was holding her back. What, or who, was it? She couldn't think of anything and it bothered her.

"Hey Lily!" Alisha said turning a corner into the corridor Lily was in, "What's up?"

"Robert just broke up with me." Lily's voice conveyed the confusion she felt.

"What? H-he- and over…. What?" Lily just shrugged at her friend's puzzlement.

"I dunno."

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah…. Weirdly fine."

"And just when I was beginning to like him!"

"Like him?"

"Stand him."

"Oh, you scared me for a moment." Lily grinned. Alisha pushed her dark hair back from her face and frowned.

"Are you _really_ ok?"

"I am… I don't know why… I've just been broken up with, and yet I feel free."

"Commitment phobia strikes again."

"Ugh, I hate it." Lily was disgusted with herself. As long as she could remember, she had been scared of relationships and everything going along with it. Especially guys.

~*~*~*~

Lily-

I know I'm an idiot. No body has to tell me that twice. But I miss you, a lot. I miss your smile, your laughter, your face, your voice, YOU. I know how much me going out with Joann must've hurt you and I wish I could take it all back, but I can't. So please can we at least try to be friends again? If I can't have your heart, can't I have your friendship?

-Josh

Lily dropped the letter onto the floor. _"This can't be happening. Please tell me I'm imagining this."_

"You aren't. I wish you were though."

"God, no, not him."

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know. I love the bloody moron, but I don't wanna go through his shit again."

"Lily, is it worth it?"

"I don't know….. I just don't know."

Lily could only glance at the note that lay on the floor once more before silent tears began falling onto her face. Why did he have to write her? She was doing fine without him bothering her, but then-. She only wished she could write everything down and send it to him, but she didn't know where to begin. Words couldn't convey the pain she had experienced the past couple months, nor how much her heart ached to have him here, holding her. But right now she couldn't do anything but stare at the piece of paper and wonder…  


~*~*~*~

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(A/N okay everyone I know that chapter was really bad, but I hope to have 8 up really soon, most likely in the next week okay? So tell me how bad this chapter is.. and I'll write a really long good one okay?)


	8. Growing Up

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(A/N wow, its been a while eh? Well I'm back, and I've written possible the shortest chapter in history, but it'll do. Thanks for the reviews, hope you like this one as well)

Just Another Heartbreak

Chapter 8: Growing up

Lily sighed and flopped down on her bed. Why had she been such a bitch to everyone today? Everything they said or did was completely wrong, even if it was the thing that _should_ have been said or done. Lily regretted every moment of it, but she also knew her friends would understand. Life just wasn't going her way at all lately. She picked up Josh's now crumpled note and reread it for the hundredth time since it had arrived. It still smelled of his after-shave, but that only brought back the memories.

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"I can't believe I'm actually going out with your brother." Lily whispered barely audible to herself, let alone Amanda, "I love him."

Amanda grinned, "hey Josh she says she loves you."

"Amanda!" Lily sat up, shocked. How could one of her best friends do this? Now Josh would hate her and everything would be ruined… just like it had been before.

"So you love me?" Josh walked to the edge of the sofa where Lily sat and grinned before kissing her. "I love you too, I always will." He whispered in her ear and kissed her again. This time Lily didn't hold back, she felt his tongue slide into her mouth and she-

"Snap out of it! It's over! You're over! You broke up with him, remember?" Lily snapped at her refection that was staring back at her from the bed in the mirror, "One week... why the hell did you start that stupid rule anyway? All its done is torn you apart." And softer because of the sobs she was fighting, Lily continued, "It ruined the best thing you've had, the best thing you'll _ever_ have."

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The next morning Lily woke up feeling completely relieved. During the night, she had sorted everything out the best she could. Josh and her were over, for good. It was time she moved on, it was fun while it lasted… but he was the past and that's where he'd stay. James was definitely not something to be passing over… and she didn't plan on it, but for now, she needed some time to herself. Some time to figure out what _she _wanted for once. She sat up and walked to her mirror.

"Good Morning Lily Evans, Wonderful day isn't it?" The mirror seemed to ask

"Yes, yes it." Lily replied smiling.


End file.
